Long, long ago, in places far and near men and women worked together to survive. In order to survive, men and women forged agreements about who would do what. Basically, all over the world, men generally took on the responsibility for guarding the perimeter and providing the resources needed for the family. Women took on the responsibility for caring for the home and the hearth. They were, accordingly, responsible for the children and for teaching them language. Notice that the flow of resources and goods moves from men to women. The men provide what is needed and the women alert the men of what is needed and then use the resources in caring for the home and children. These basic role differences have been instituted for thousands of years and have had impacts on men’s and women’s bodies, hormones and experiences. The man’s body, due to needing to protect, became more muscular and hardened, more responsive to emergency need due to physical threats. His brain evolved to focus more on goals and strategies in order to provide what was needed. He learned to live in a world where he had to compete with other men in order to provide for his family. This kept him thinking in terms of his place in a hierarchy where he saw himself as winning or losing. He strove to win and to obtain the needed resources in an environment of competition. The woman’s body was different and much less focused on physical strength and competition and more focused on the relationships of the home. Her role demanded that she focus on the needs of the children and in so doing she naturally developed relationships with those in her charge. She did not have the same demand to be competitive for resources. Her husband did that. She likely had relationships with her peers with whom there was no need to compete since they also had husbands who provided and protected. Their focus was likely to be on their relationships rather than competition. Out of these containers men and women developed differently for thousands of years. Each one unique, but each one impacted by these roles.
Then came the 20th century. Suddenly, what had been a survival decision between men and women for thousands of years now became framed as oppression! Somehow the sex roles that women had held for so long were now seen not as a survival decision that evolved over thousands of years but instead as a result of evil males holding women back. This reframing of sex roles as an evil and self-serving act of men is one of the most glaring propaganda events of all time. It boggles the mind to understand how anyone could actually believe this set of lies. One need look no further than the women’s studies courses largely started in the late 20th century to see how these myths are propagated.
This is a link to a women’s studies book on amazon.com where you can search on specific words. When you search on the word “oppression” a list of 65 pages comes up where that word is mentioned. The book is trying to push the myth that women have been oppressed for thousands of years and intentionally held back from being complete individuals. They seem to have forgotten the agreement that was made. They also seem to have forgotten that men also were limited from being a complete individual.
Why would this idea get so much traction? One of the reasons for this is that the sex roles themselves facilitated the myth being propagated. As women started voicing their dismay at being excluded from the workplace and other issues that were sex role related they were following a script that had worked for them for thousands of years. When you want something COMPLAIN TO THE MEN. When complaining find an enemy and blame them for your troubles. In the process make certain to portray yourself as victimized and in need of being saved. Bundle all of this together and what do you get? You get a man trap. Men are geared to provide for women and are ultra geared to provide for women in distress. They will go out of their way if it appears that there is a woman in dire need. Think of the old image of a woman tied to the railroad tracks. This is man bait. He can’t resist it, he is toast.
This is simply playing out their roles they have played for thousands of years. In fact, the men will then compete with other men to see who can help the woman in distress the most! People often wonder why feminism was able to make changes so quickly. This is the answer. The feminists played (and are still playing) the victim card which is irresistible to men. Like moths to a flame men will do whatever they can to aid a woman in need.
Guess what? This is the template for our largely male legislators who have created laws over the past 40 years to “help” women. Laws for domestic violence, laws for sexual harrassment, laws to give women a safety net for resources, commissions for women, for women’s health, for womens this or that. The same pattern can be seen repeatedly: Women voice needs and portray themselves as needy, men compete to see who can do the best job of making women safe and giving them the resources they need.
But what happens if men stand up and say they have needs too? What happens is they are shouted down and called names like wimps or sissies. You see, a man in need is not seen as being someone who deserves resources, no, instead he is seen as someone who doesn’t care enough about women! Imagine a woman tied to the railroad tracks and a man saying that he was hungry! What would happen to him? He would be labelled a woman hater and that is just what we see with almost any man who voices his own needs or asks for services for men and boys. If a man asks for resources he is going against the grain of the thousand years of sex roles. Men are supposed to provide and protect, not voice their needs. If their needs are met this could potentially take away from what can be given to women and children. This brings the familiar public cry tat “He must be selfish!” or is “Only worried about himself!” This is why you don’t see any national health commissions for men or well care clinics for men or special counseling units for men only. Men continue to be locked into their ancient roles of providing and protecting while simultaneously we have released women from theirs.
next – Trash
Tom Golden is the author or three books, Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing, The Way Men Heal, and Helping Mothers be Closer to Their Sons: UnderStanding the Unique World of Boys. Tom was the creator of the youtube channel Men Are Good and served as the vice chairman of the Maryland Commission for Men’s Health. He has been a therapist in private practice for over 30 years.