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Open Letter to Symantec/Norton/O2 regarding the Censoring and Labeling of Men’s Sites as Hateful

Totalitarianism MemorialIt has been brought to my attention that my web site has been listed as a hate site via Symantec/O2. This is a preposterous claim. I have been working with men for many years as a mental health professional. During that time I have specialized in learning and then teaching other mental health professionals about the uniqueness of a man’s way of processing emotions. I have written three books on the topic and have appeared on CBS Evening News, CNN, the Washington Post, NY Times and many others. I have presented workshops in the United States, Europe, Canada and Australia teaching mental health professionals about men’s uniqueness. When NFL Films chose to do a documentary on the NFL and Grief they called me in as their expert. The show ran on both ESPN and the NFL Channel.

It was through this work in understanding men that I first began learning of the places where men face discrimination and hardship for simply being men. It was crystal clear that men in emotional pain were routinely ignored and expected to figure it out on their own while women were offered support and understanding. The emotional pain of men was taboo while a woman’s pain was a call to action. I started bringing these discrepancies to the attention of the public and found out very quickly that people simply didn’t want to hear about it. Not only was there very little interest, the media was complicit in their stories published to be sure to focus on females in need and not males.

As the years went on I started seeing many other areas where men faced discrimination and hardship. Places like family courts, domestic violence treatment, false accusations, health care, and many others. Again, it was clear that the public was allergic to these issues when it came to the needs of men, no matter how true they might be. They were supported by a media that stuck to the politically correct theme of women as victims in need of help and men as the problem.

Then along came the internet and suddenly there was a voice for men that came alive. Sites were popping up daily to bring awareness to the discrimination and hardship of men and boys. Now, even without the help of the media the word was getting out, no matter how much people didn’t want to hear about it.

Then along comes Norton/Symantec/O2 who decide that those sites that are voicing the needs of men aren’t really voicing the needs of men, they are hateful! We have seen this before. It’s the same turning of the head we have seen from the media for years, now it’s just a little different and much more lethal since the free speech of humanitarian activists is being silenced by a group that is hidden from view and exercises control over the lives of others from behind a screen. No voting about this, no discussion about this, no notes sent to site owners about this, no rules that map out what can and can’t be done. No. Just a silent and invisible group that imposes their will and judgements upon millions. I will avoid drawing the obvious comparison.

I am asking you to please remove my site from this list immediately. If you choose to not do so I think it is only fair that you let me know what violations I have committed that justify classifying a humanitarian effort as hatefulness.

I would also ask that you do the same for the other men’s sites listed below that you have dubbed hateful. Either take them off the list or explain exactly why they are there.

Tom Golden, LCSW – all 7 domains blocked** * * * * * * * *

The World is Unaware if its Bigotry

Feminism has enjoyed considerable success over the last 50 years. Many are surprised by this. How could a group of people who were not “in power” sway the mighty male dominated legislatures so powerfully and so quickly. The answer is actually very simple: Their requests are in harmony with the age-old cultural defaults. The default of our system is the disposability of men and the protection and elevation of women. Maybe another way to put it would be to say putting women on pedestals and men in graveyards. Put men to work, dangerous work or war in order to get things done and put women in a safe place or even on a pedestal. All of our lawmakers are either aware of this or are unconsciously following these edicts like little puppy dogs. Anything that smacks of men needing to be restricted and women getting special treatment stands a good chance of getting passed.

Just look at all the legislation that has been passed that is solely for women, the VAWA Violence Against WOMEN Act, Rape Shield laws, sexual harassment laws, affirmative action for women in business and in the workplace, Title IX laws that create athletic opportunities for women while dismantling the same for men, reproductive rights for women and none for men, we could go on and on but I think the point is made. We have a great deal in place that is helpful to women but is there a similar set of laws for men? Absolutely not.

I learned this the hard way. About 15 years ago I saw the inequity in some of our laws that strove to help women and forgot the needs of men. I went to my congresswoman and female senator and pointed out these inequities. I assumed that they would note the problem and then work towards fixing it. I didn’t expect an immediate and active response. I just expected that I would be heard and a conversation would start over these issues. What I got was silence. They simply ignored me. At first I was dumbfounded. Didn’t our country hold the needs of both men and women as important? I learned very quickly that they didn’t. I kept writing letters, making calls, pointing out the inequities and I kept getting ignored. I was in shock. The shock was never greater than in 2005 when I was involved in a group that was trying to change the Violence Against Women Act to include male victims and offer services for the men.

Members of our group met with then Senator Biden and his staff and were treated very well. We were told that our group would have a place at the hearings and could voice our concerns for all to hear. We had gathered an impressive group of authors, researchers, academes and clinicians who were prepared to share their understanding of the ways the law could be amended to make things more fair to men and boys. The day for the hearings came and guess what? Not one of our experts was given a place at the hearings. Not one. The only ones given slots to speak were the same people who were mouthing the same story that had left men out of the picture for the last 11 years. I thought I was in North Korea. It was obvious that Biden had planned to keep us happy and quiet until the day of the hearing and then to ignore us and present the same dog and pony show that had been seen for the last 10 years. He is aware of the need to help men who are victims and is very happy to remain silent.

It was that event that helped me see the truth about what is happening. The bottom line is that doing things for females will get you elected and doing things for males will get you fired. You see, it’s not just politicians that think like this, almost everyone in the US is under the same spell. Men are disposable, women are to be protected. When constituents see a lawmaker helping women and making women safe they are much more likely to cast their vote in their direction. But what happens to politicians who do special things for men?

In 2006 the Maryland General Assembly voted to create a Maryland Commission for Men’s Health. The man who had pushed to make this happen was a Maryland Delegate from Takoma Park. He went out on a limb to make this happen and guess what? The next election he lost. This was a popular liberal black male psychologist who was considered a shoe in. Somehow he lost? Why? Because he did somehting that was male positive and this pissed off the status quo womanitarians who become furious if men’s needs become an interest. Of course this is easy to do since the culture default elevates those who work towards furthering the needs of women and denigrates those who do the same for men. No wonder my senator and congresswoman ignored me. Their jobs depended on it. Just look at your congressman’s areas of intnerest. You better bet that one is women’s issues. But do you ever see men’s issues? Absolutely not. That is the kiss of death.

The saddest part of this story is that this bigotry is likely to continue. There is nothing in its way and nothing that seems able to stop it in its tracks outside of a major cataclysm where male physical strength is needed for survival. Barring that, I don’t think we will see much change to this in the near future. Sadly, we are locked into a bigoted and hateful system and almost no one knows it.

I wish I didn’t know it.